to his head. The woman with the vomiting child. The old man with a weird rash on his face. But our feed continues on with life as usual, with no news of what we so desperately want to know.

Then Cooper arrives. He strides in, tall, determined, glancing at me with a look that lets me know that everything will be okay now. He’s clearly distressed, and yet chats to the nurses and greets people as they walk around him like they’re old business friends. Despite his best efforts, no one tells him anything either; I can tell by the frustrated look on his face. Eventually he joins us, hugging us all in turn, but I’m last and he holds me especially tight, and for a little longer. My head rests perfectly on his chest, moving in and out in rhythm with his breathing. Cooper Dally—Mikaela’s boyfriend—isn’t the sort of guy you see in pain very often. But as he begins pacing back and forth with his hand to his chest, I wonder if I looked like that the last time I walked these floors. When Jesse died.

As Mikaela’s best friend, I’ve hung out heaps with Cooper, but I avoid talking to him as much as I can. He’s Mikaela’s, and I knew from the moment I met him that being just friends with a guy like Cooper was never going to work for me. So, when Cooper comes over and sits beside me, his head in his hands, I fumble for something to say. His breath is heavy. He says nothing, which kinda says something. I tap my foot against his and give him a half-smile, and he smiles a little back. He mumbles a few swear words under his breath. ‘If something happens to her, Grace, I don’t know how I’ll go on without her.’
‘Do you know what happened?’ I whisper.
‘No. Do you?’ He’s holding me captive, pleading to me with his eyes. Beautiful, big brown eyes.
‘No idea.’Cooper runs his fingers through his hair. ‘Mikaela has been acting a bit weird lately.’ He pauses. ‘The last couple of times we’ve hung out, we’ve ended up fighting.’
‘Really?’ Mikaela hadn’t said anything, but she doesn’t talk about Cooper much. Cooper pulls his phone out of his back pocket; it’s lit up with a message that’s partially hiding a selfie of himself with his arm around Mikaela. They’re both laughing; his eyes are mostly closed yet somehow they’re still the highlight of the photo. He swipes away the message without reading it.
‘Great photo,’ I say.
He nods. ‘Yeah.’ He rolls the phone around in his hand. As he returns it to the upright position; it’s gone black. ‘We haven’t had fun like that for a while.’ Cooper unlocks the phone again and types a reply to the text.
‘What do you mean that she’s been acting weird lately?’
He keeps typing, but says, ‘She’s been picking fights about things that never bothered her before, not wanting to hang out with me, that sort of shit. Last time we hung out she even said she wasn’t sure she still loved me.’ He returns his phone to his pocket.
My jaw drops open. Mikaela and Cooper have been together for, like, two years. They’re the ideal couple. Both of them perfect in every way. ‘What—did she break up with you?’
‘No.’ Cooper shakes his head but it’s not very convincing. He runs his hands through his hair again. ‘I don’t want to lose her, Grace.’ Tears well in his eyes. He looks up to the ceiling.
‘I’m sure she wasn’t wanting that. You know what she’s like. She gets all sullen but it only lasts a few weeks.’
‘This was different, Grace. She’s been different.’ His hands rest on his thighs and I consider putting my hand on his. They say physical contact helps when you’re hurting, though I hadn’t wanted it when I’d waited here for Jesse. Maybe hand-on-hand is too intimate. I decide I’d better not.
‘I’m just scared ...’ Cooper catches his breath. ‘She’s been more than just moody. She’s been angry, kind of. Saying stuff about how she didn’t want to be here anymore.’
‘What?’ I say, barely able to form the words I’m thinking. ‘You don’t think she’s in hospital because ...’
A tear runs down Cooper’s cheek as he pulls his shoulders up around his neck. I put my arm around him and feel him relax. I tilt my head so it rests on his shoulder and for the first time that day, allow myself to cry.

It’s well into the afternoon when Mikaela’s dad walks into the waiting room, dressed in a business suit, his loosened tie crooked against his white shirt. His tired eyes meet mine. I’m expecting him to welcome us, to be happy that we’re all there to support Mikaela. Instead, he thanks us for coming and then tells us we should go home.
‘Please, can’t we see her?’ I ask. I cast a sideways glance at Cooper. Does boyfriend trump best friend in a hospital situation? ‘Me, at least? We don’t even know what happened to her.’
Mr Harper scratches the greying hair on his chin. ‘All you need to know is that she’ll be fine, she has people to take care of her now.’ He lowers his voice. ‘We caught her early, Grace. If we hadn’t realised what she’d done ...’ He shakes his head, as though clearing the thought from his mind.
‘Caught her? What do you mean?’
Mr Harper’s eyes confirm Cooper’s suspicion.
My hand flies to cover my mouth. ‘I can’t believe it.’
Mikaela’s dad goes to walk off.
‘Wait,’ I say. ‘This doesn’t make any sense. I need to talk to her. I need to know why.’
Mr Harper holds his hand out to stop me following him.‘We will get Mikaela through this on our own. Please, Grace. You and your friends should go home. It would be best for everyone, including Mikaela.’
Mr Harper turns and walks back through the closed doors, while my heavy jaw allows a deep, audible cry to leave my lungs. Cooper wraps me in his arms and leads me out of the hospital.

I don’t fight to see Mikaela any more than that. Cooper calls a taxi and we leave the hospital not knowing if Mikaela knew we’d sat in the waiting room most of the day; not knowing if she knew that we cared. Not knowing what had made her do something like that.

We have big plans, Mikaela and I. We’re going to university together, working at Mikaela’s favourite cafe in Brisbane. Me, studying nursing; her, occupational therapy. We’ve even talked about getting jobs at the same hospital afterwards. Not necessarily in Brisbane; just somewhere in Australia. Anywhere. Mikaela attempting to take her own life, and then disappearing out of mine, hadn’t been part of the plan.